Great Expectations

Right??

 

Pity Party For One

Okay, I admit it. I made cookies tonight. (Well, I made up the dough and then baked off 5 cookies and put the dough in the fridge for following days.) I know I know. Not good. Especially since it will be only me eating them all. But in my defense, I am feeling depressed with this whole Mom situation.

It isn't easy watching someone slowly die, and then wondering when it is going to happen. Tonight? Next week? Next month?  Every time I go by her room I stop and watch her to make sure she is breathing.  For the past two days she has been in bed sleeping, only being awake long enough to throw up and having a visit from her Pastor this morning. And she lays so still and stays in the same position that I really have to look closely to see if the blankets are moving up and down as she takes a breath.

So with all that, and almost two weeks ago of the same kind of scenario (except she did get up a bit more), it makes me feel sad and helpless and nights are the absolute worst.  I can handle it in the daytime but when the sun goes down, I just get this restless, sickening feeling in my stomach and tonight I decided to make cookies to...to... I don't know.  They tasted good and all of course, but I did feel guilty too.  And admittedly for the past few nights I've had sweet stuff but I ran out so tonight, knowing I had all the ingredients to make chocolate chip pecan cookies, I made them.

Tomorrow though, I am going to make up all the cookies on a cookie sheet and then freeze them, and then put them in little groups on baggies and freeze them.  And hopefully not want to bake them often.  I also thought I would just give myself a break this week until weigh-in day, and then continue.

On the bright side, my aunt brought me hamburger soup (which was kind of like a goulash) and a chopped salad for dinner and while I liked the soup, I really liked the salad, which was by Dole, called Sunshine Salad I think, and it had kale and cabbage and other stuff in it, and little packets of bacon bits and sunflower seeds, and an onion citrus dressing. It was so good and I think I will buy a couple more bags of it and have it with chicken for meals.

I also have kept up with the water, drinking at least 64 every day, and only missing a day or two since I started. So that's something anyway.

In the meantime, as far as the sweets go, I suppose we could call it a little pity party for me this week. And after the weigh-in, no more.

Sounds About Right

Goal!!

I made the first goal that I was hoping for. I have lost 20 lbs now since I have been here in California, and while I don't notice a difference really, the scale does say otherwise.

Here's to my second goal.

Almost There

I am almost down to my first goal, 1 lb to go. Though I probably blew that today because I had two coffees, beans and ham and fried potatoes (Man they were good!!) for dinner that the next door neighbor brought over, and oatmeal raisin cookies with milk for a snack.  I know I shouldn't have, but with this whole Mom situation, sometimes I just gotta eat.

Tomorrow I will do better.

This Is Harder To Do...

...when your life is turning upside down. And there is not a dang thing you can do about it.